If Only in My Dreams
by Fredlyn
Summary: Alex makes a Christmas promise.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The characters of "Roswell" belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. They are not mine and no infringement is intended. "I'll Be Home for Christmas" is written by Kim Gannon, Buck Ram, and Walter Kent.

Summary: Alex makes a promise.

A/N: The first season of Roswell happened – other then that – it doesn't matter except that Alex did not die. Max married Liz, Michael and Maria are together and Isabel finally fell in love and married Alex. One more thing . . . It's a Christmas story – chances are it has a happy ending.

**Last Christmas**

**Christmas Eve, Eve**

"MARIA GO!" Alex yelled over the engines of the C-130 transport carrier. "It's just one show! I'll catch a later flight tonight and be back stateside by tomorrow afternoon! I promise!"

Exhausted from the tour, Maria hesitated a few seconds longer. She didn't want to leave him, but she was anxious to get home to Michael.

It was ironic really. She had brought up the USO tour again this year, thinking that they would stay through the holidays as they had the last two years. Alex had instead insisted they would have to skip the last few shows so he could be home for Christmas; it was his first as a married man.

Now she was the one going home early enough to enjoy Christmas Eve with everyone and he was the one staying. Granted he should make it back in time, but there was always a possibility that something would happen and he wouldn't be able to. Finally she nodded, gave him a quick hug and ran up the ramp.

"Tell Isabel I love her and I haven't forgotten my promise! I'll be home for Christmas!" He shouted as Maria disappeared inside.

**Christmas Eve**

Isabel carried her one month old niece around the house, checking to make sure everything was in its place and ready for Alex's homecoming.

She was still pretty angry with him. She could not understand why this Christmas, of all Christmases, he still wanted to go on the USO tour. Even though he had promised to take off before the last few shows so he could be home for Christmas, it was still unacceptable. Then to top that off by offering to stay one extra show to fill in for another band's bassist - well he was going to get a piece of her mind as soon as he walked through the door. She smiled thinking, "Well... maybe not as soon as he walked through the door."

"Well, Claudia, when you get older I'm going to teach you how to keep your father in line so that you will always have the perfect Christmas, then your father and your uncle Michael can call you a Christmas Nazi too." She smiled down at the sleeping baby. This was the perfect Christmas. The lights were all lit, the wreath was straight, the tree looked as if it came out of a magazine and to top it all off, there was a fresh blanket of snow on the ground. She couldn't have planned it better except the fact that Alex was still overseas.

"He'll be home soon." Isabel thought as she reluctantly placed Claudia in her bassinette and went into the kitchen to see if she could help.

"Liz, shouldn't you be taking care of that baby of yours instead of destroying our Christmas Eve dinner?" Michael teased.

Liz giggling turned around and playfully snapped a dishtowel at Michael's legs. "Working as a cook at the Crashdown does not qualify you for the title of master chef!"

Noticing that Isabel had entered the room, Liz rolled her eyes at her towards Michael, then asked, "Is Claudia asleep?"

Isabel smiled. "Yes. I don't think anything could wake her up right now."

Liz sighed. "You're right – nothing will – not until I want to go to bed. Then if someone drops a cotton ball anywhere in the house, she will be wide awake and screaming at the top of her lungs."

Isabel laughed. "So - Where is my brother?"

"He had to go to the store. Some people don't know the proper way to stock a kitchen." Michael said as he braced himself for the next blow.

Liz smacked him on the arm and the three erupted in laughter once again.

Still chuckling Isabel asked, "Is there anything I can do?"

Michael feigned horror. "You want to help? What possibly could top that? I suppose Maria could walk in and offer her services."

Just as Michael finished his sentence, Max walked in with a small grocery bag in his hand and a silly grin on his face. "She might but I doubt cooking is what she would be referring to."

"MAXWELL EVANS!" Liz said in mock disgust. "Get your mind out of the gutter!"

"What? I was thinking that she would sing some Christmas carols for us." Max answered innocently.

Isabel continued to listen to the banter while wishing that Alex were already home. 

Maria came into the room. "What is going on? Can't a girl get some rest around here?"

Michael walked over and kissed his love on the forehead. "Aww, did we wake you?"

"No, actually you didn't. A car just pulled up in the driveway and being that I'm in the front bedroom . . . "

Isabel didn't hear anything after that; she was too excited. That car had to be Alex.

She bolted for the door, slamming it on her way out. When she looked over at the dark blue sedan, confusion swept over her, it wasn't him. He was no where to be found.

Two uniformed men got out of the car and somberly approached the house.

"Excuse me Ma'am, are you Isabel Whitman?"

Isabel began to get the uneasy feeling that something was terribly wrong. The others joined her on the front porch. Maria let out a gasp and quickly covered her mouth, tears forming in her eyes. She knew what this meant and turned, burying her head in Michael's chest to try and stifle her sobs. Liz stiffened, grabbing Isabel's hand as Isabel bit her lower lip and slowly nodded her acknowledgement.

"Ma'am, we regret to inform you that you that your husband, Alex Whitman, was killed last night."

Isabel stood frozen, tears running down her face. "What happened?" she whispered.

"The Blackhawk he was in was shot down."

**Christmas Day**

Isabel spent the day in the small guestroom alone. The others had tried to get her to come out all day. She was pretty sure that each one of her friends had come to her door offering something, but Isabel had wanted no part of it. She was busy. She spent the hours alternating between trying to dreamwalk Alex and pleading with God that this was all just a terrible mistake. Rationalizing with each failure that she could not get through because he was so far away, that he was unconscious, something, anything other then that he was dead. 

The rest of Maria's band had showed up early in the evening to offer condolences and any assistance they could give. They stayed far too long for Isabel's taste, remembering Alex and the great times they had had. Every time Isabel heard someone cry or laugh from the other room she had wanted to scream.

"Alex is not dead." She kept chanting, trying to convince herself to keep trying. With sudden awareness, she looked up towards the door to see Alex standing there.

"_Alex! They said you were dead?" Tears of relief and the joy streamed down her cheeks, "But you're here! You made it home for Christmas!"   
_

_Alex sat on the bed next to her, taking her hands in his. "I promised I would."_

"_I love you." She whispered through her tears. _

_As he started to fade into the darkness, Alex answered. "I'll always love you Isabel Whitman." _

She woke up calling his name, begging him not to leave her again. Without thinking she grabbed his picture off her nightstand where she had left it before falling asleep and tried one last time to find him again on the dream plane. When it didn't work she knew it had not been his dream but hers and she began to believe that her lover and best friend was really dead.

In her acceptance she pulled her knees to her chest and through her tears started to hum the song that Alex had sung to her the night before he left. 

_I'll be home for Christmas  
You can count on me  
Please have snow and mistletoe  
And presents under the tree  
Christmas Eve will find me  
Where the love light beams  
I'll be home for Christmas  
If only in my dreams._


	2. Chapter 2

**This Christmas**

**Christmas Eve, Eve**

Injured and exhausted, Alex stumbled through the dark alleyways of the unknown city, looking for a safe haven to spend the night. He had been running from his captors for weeks and the stress was starting to get to him. "Maybe I should just let them kill me." He mumbled to himself, sure that Isabel already believed him dead. He was about to give up when he heard a familiar song coming from somewhere.

_I'm dreaming tonight of a place I love_

_Even more than I usually do_

_And although I know_

_It's a long road back _

_I promise you . . . _

Flashes of Isabel ran through his head as relief passed over him. With a new determination, he pressed on. "I promised I would be home for Christmas and this year I will be." He mumbled to himself before making his way towards the music.

Isabel rushed out of the store with her package, cursing herself for waiting until nearly the last minute. She had only bought a present for one person, Claudia. Everyone else would have to deal. She wasn't shopping, decorating, or helping anyone this year. God had cursed her on Christmas and now she cursed Him.

She looked at her watch, 8:22 pm. She would drop off the gift and get home well before midnight where she would hide until Christmas was over. She hated the holiday and just wanted to spend it alone until it was over.

She sped over to the Max and Liz's house and squealed into the driveway. Getting out of the car, she walked to the door. The wreath that hung on the door last Christmas greeted her. She stopped and closed her eyes for a minute, bracing herself for what she would find inside. She had avoided this all season, not wanting to see the house decorated as it had been a year ago.

Taking a deep breath, she rang the bell. Liz smiled as she answered. "Isabel! I'm so happy that you're here. Come in."

She almost declined, thinking that she could just hand the present to Liz and make a quick getaway, instead she lifted her head a bit and marched herself through the door.

"Let me get your coat."

Knowing she couldn't bear to stay that long, she shook her head.

Max walked into the room smiling. "I thought I heard someone out here." He walked over to Isabel and gave her a quick hug.

Isabel didn't give Max or Liz a chance to say anything else, shoving the wrapped present into Liz's hands. "I brought this for Claudia."

Liz smile weakened as she realized that Isabel had no intention of staying. "She's already in bed, but you are welcome to stay over. We can make some cocoa and sit up and talk if you like, or you can just go to bed in the guest room." Her voice trailed off but Isabel could hear the hope in her voice.

Isabel shook her head one more time then looked straight into Liz's eyes, she didn't want to hurt her sister-in-law but she just couldn't do it. "I can't."

Liz nodded her understanding before giving Max a look telling him that he would understand too.

"Well, I'm going to go." Isabel said as she turned towards the door.

Max grabbed her and hugged her tight once again, then made way for his wife to do the same.

As Liz hugged her, she whispered in her ear. "We are here for you. Please, if you need anything, call or come by."

Isabel nodded, "I'll call you after Christmas." Then she walked out the door.

Patched and cleaned up, Alex lay on the small cot and thought about the last few hours. When he had finally made it to the outpost, there had been no music playing. He had been confused at first, "What had he heard?" But finally, he accepted it for what it was, a Christmas miracle. With thoughts of Isabel going through his head, he dropped into his first deep sleep since he had fallen from the Blackhawk.

_Alex opened the door to their home to find Isabel lying on the couch asleep. He walked over to her and caressed her face. "Isabel," he said softly, "I'm home."_

_Isabel's eyes fluttered open, realizing Alex had returned home she jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him excitedly. "You made it. You made it home for Christmas."_

_Alex grinned from ear to ear. "I promised I would." _

_Isabel hugged him close again. "I missed you so much."_

"_I missed you everyday I was gone." Alex answered. "I love you."_

_Isabel kissed him then responded. "I love you too."_

**Christmas Eve **

Isabel shot out of her bed. She had just had the strangest dream. Instead of Alex talking to her, Alex had been talking to another Isabel. It was as if she had dreamwalked him. She looked down and noticed Alex's picture on the bed, near where her head would have been.

"It couldn't be... Could it?" She asked herself. Had she dreamwalked him? She didn't believe it; she hadn't even tried, but if she had then that meant . . . she stopped. "You've lost your mind." Isabel chastised to herself.

The more she thought about it though, the more she wondered. She had to be sure. Lying back down on the bed she picked up the picture, knowing what she had to do.

Immediately, Isabel found Alex in the dream plane, where she saw him talking again to a dream version of her.

"_Why did you do it? Why did you stay for that last show?" She asked.  
_

_Alex held her hand and answered. "Six of the soldiers that were at that show lost their lives on Christmas. If I gave them even a little glimpse of home their last night on earth, then it was worth it."_

"_Not to me!" _

_Thoughtfully, Alex asked, "Would it have been worth it if I hadn't died?"_

Isabel looked up at Alex talking to her double. She hated that she had been without him for a year, but that was nothing compared to living her life without him, living her life as those soldiers families now did. Now that she understood he was alive and she was going to get him back, she was ashamed that she had made such a big deal about him being home for Christmas.

_Pushing past her shame, she said aloud. "It's almost Christmas Eve."_

_Her double disappeared as Alex looked over at her. He motioned towards the clock, it was well past midnight. "Actually it is."_

_Isabel smiled. "And you're here."_

"_If only in my dreams." He answered back_

Isabel jumped out of bed knowing that Alex was indeed alive!

Less then an hour later, she was at Max's door.

Max did his best to conceal his surprise. "Isabel. I'm so glad you decided to come."

Ignoring the niceties, Isabel barged past him into the living room where Liz, Michael, Maria and Claudia were sitting. "Alex is alive!" She announced.

Ignoring the disbelief on their faces, she continued. "Last night . . . I dream walked him . . . he is fine . . . he is alive."

Max walked up and put his arm around her. "Isabel, I know you want to believe it but . . . "

Isabel shook her head while he spoke then finally cut him off. "Max I KNOW it's true!"

Understanding how strong the connection was between the aliens and their human partners, Liz was the first to accept the happy news. She got up and ran over to Isabel, hugging her fiercely in celebration. "I'm so happy for you!"

Thinking about it for a minute, Liz frowned and asked. "Is he hurt?"

"I don't think so. I'm not sure. All I know is he is alive and he will be home for Christmas!"

Maria walked over to the phone and dialed the number to her USO contact at the base. "Yes, can I speak to Colonel Anderson?

Everyone listened as Maria talked to her friend. "I see, uh huh. When will that be? Hold on." She snapped her fingers at Michael. "Pen, paper." She ordered.

Michael handed her a pen.

"I'll get some paper." Max said. Maria didn't wait, she just started writing on the wall next to her.

"Someone will be there." Maria said into the phone. "Yes. Thank you! Merry Christmas! Bye."

Isabel stood at Maria's side during the whole conversation and pounced on her when she hung up. "Well?"

Maria grinned from ear to ear. "You were right. He's alive. They just got word less then an hour ago that he wandered into some remote outpost yesterday." She pointed at her writing on the wall. "He's coming home on a medivac. That is the flight information. He will be coming in to Dover AFB early tomorrow morning at 6am."

Relief swept over Isabel, but she knew she would not be completely at ease until Alex had her in his arms. Isabel stepped towards the phone when Maria stood in her way. "I'll get my plane ready – no need for you two to have to fly on a commercial plane on Christmas."

Isabel nodded her gratitude.

Handing Claudia to Max, Liz took control of the situation. "Michael – you need to get to the grocery store before it closes. You're job is Christmas dinner." Michael nodded as Liz continued; Max – presents – lots of them. Maria handle the transportation issues then you and I will go with Isabel to her house, help her pack and then after we see her off, we will get the house Christmasified."

Maria mimicked Liz, "Christmasified?"

Rolling his eyes, Michael looked over at Max. "Looks like we have another Christmas Nazi in the making." He said as the others erupted with laughter.

Isabel grinned from ear to ear. It was wonderful to laugh again.

**Christmas**

Isabel stood behind the ropes on the tarmac with her military escorts and watched as the door to Alex's plane opened. Two men in uniform came down the stairs. She could barely stand still, this waiting was killing her. Thinking back to that night, one year ago, when she first learned he was dead, she remembered the vision she saw. She prayed she wasn't dreaming now. The memory of last Christmas made her hold her breath until she saw him appear.

He was bruised and limping, but he was the most wonderful vision she had ever seen. The joy overwhelmed her as tears started to form in her eyes; she couldn't contain her self, she jumped over the ropes and ran towards him as fast as her legs could take her. Finally reaching the love of her life, she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him close. "Welcome home!" she cried into his chest, holding on as if her life depended on it.

Alex winced from the pain of his injuries, but he ignored it and wrapped his arms around the girl of his dreams. Disregarding the reporters that had turned out to document the homecoming, he pulled her face towards his. Remembering the love that had kept him alive over the past year he kissed her passionately. 

Finally, he pulled away enough to speak, "God you look beautiful! I love you Isabel."

She smiled at him and through her joyful tears, "I love you too Alex... so much. I'm so glad you're home!"

Later that night, after eating more then their fill and opening the presents, Isabel and Alex lay in their bed, holding each other in the darkness.

Isabel burrowed into Alex's chest. She wanted to explain why she had thought he was dead. "I couldn't dreamwalk you. Then they showed me pictures of you with the other band getting onto the helicopter. They showed me pictures of the wreckage, there was nothing left."

Alex hugged her tightly and started to relive what he could remember. "I got on the Blackhawkafter the show and it took off. While it was still close to the ground someone started shooting at us, it had to swerve to miss the missile. I fell out. I was hurt, but I tried to make it back to the base. That's when I was captured." He stopped when he felt the dampness on his chest.

"I thought I had lost you." She whispered through her tears.

Lifting her chin so he could look into her eyes, he placed his hand over her heart, "You will never lose me because I will always be right here."

They laid in silence for a while, just content to be in each other's arms. Alex broke the stillness with his quiet apology, "Isabel, I am sorry I didn't make it home for Christmas last year."

Isabel smiled as she snuggled closer to him. "It doesn't matter. You're home now."

"But I broke my promise."

Isabel reached up, pulling his head towards hers so she could kiss him. "No you didn't. You were here for Christmas, even if it was only in my dreams."

The End


End file.
